I sort of have lots of questions bundled up in one, and I don't have anyone in real life I think I can talk to about this.
I'm a 28 year old female who separated from my husband back in November 2010 (so about 6 months ago.)
First question: is it too soon to date again? We'll be getting a divorce as soon as we can afford one.
Second question: I work in retail, and there's this man who comes in every day who I'm... wildly attracted to... but I'm majorly shy and just stick to my job and help him out. I can see him checking out my butt (not rudely or anything, he just looks at it, and I can tell LOL). And one day I got up the courage to talk to him about other things than my job, and asked him about his plans for Easter as a casual but friendly ice breaker. We then got sidetracked and he mentioned he's single. (kind of throwing it in there by mentioning that his siblings are all younger but married and he's still single... talking about Easter weekend and "do you have a big family?" and blah blah blah, that's where it came from.)
But now when he comes in, I get all tongue tied and can't think of anything to say to him until he walks out the door, and my mind unlocks and asks him "so how is your week going so far?" as he's already gone LOL.
Was he flirting with me? When he said he was single, I didn't say I was back, because although I feel single and have been physically and emotionally single for 6 months, I'm not sure if being separated from my husband and not divorced ( you know, the legal stuff) if saying I'm single would not really count for me. I haven't been looking to date around at all, so this preparation on how to handle this has never occurred to me until now. I definitely don't want to lie to him, so...
3rd question: How soon is too soon to share about my current failed marriage that hasn't been legally finalized? I'm torn... it's a big thing to hide, yet a big thing to share.
4th question: Did I miss my chance with him by not sharing that I'm available? Things seem subtly flirty between us, and awkward. But I think less flirty since that conversation. Now that he comes in I help him out, and we smile, and that's about it. (well, not including my infatuated heart beating out of my chest, that's still happening, hence the issue LOL) I want to talk to him and just get to know him better, but perhaps a few weeks since Easter weekend has put too much time between us since that conversation, and starting up again out of nowhere would make things weird?
(Customers pulling me aside amarriage ice breaker questionsnd having long conversations with me about their lives and having fun is part of my job, so him pulling me aside and getting my number or me giving him mine is not an issue at work, it's just my shyness, and my fear of rejection getting in the way. Some moments it feels like he's interested in me, and other moments it seems like maybe I'm imagining it.)
Any advice?
Stop worrying about "Did I miss my chance" or "Was he flirting with me?". You are a FEMALE and you will RARELY be rejected, and I mean hardy EVER.
Confidence is sexy, walk up and tell him that you want his number, if he is single, and you will call him Saturday morning to see when he will be able to meet for coffee. That way he could back out if he isn't single or interested, and you aren't really rejected either way.
If he asks about your relationship status, let him know you are in the middle of a divorce, and that you don't want to talk about it. Cuz I always hated when a chick would be telling what a d-bag her man was on a date = definitely sours things just a little.
YOu would know if you are date-ready. You would know if you are bedroom-ready with or without strings attached. Many just wanted unattached sex with no committents. Careful
Why not join a divorce support group. You'll find like-minded people. You need friends with whom, to hang out who you have divorce in common with. Concentrate on a better career and education. You'll meet
different folks.
You have chemistry with this guy, nothing more. You know as much about him as you know about nuclear physics. There is nothing but.... Careful !
Your separated lots of people are and just because youre separated doent mean you're the reason the marriage didnt work out so be brave about that and use that bravery to move on. You dont need to blurt it out just wait until youre asked or there is an opportunity to mention it.
You've been separated for 6 months so dating isnt an issue just remember that you want something more than a rebound relationship with is doomed to fail.
You can only be yourself, shyness is part of you and you have already attracted his attention so you can just be yourself - smile and enjoy those minutes of company.
If you'd missed your chance he wouldnt be still wanting you to assist him in the store unless youre the only one available and even then Im sure he could get what he wants elsewhere.
No need to rush things - relax and enjoy the experience.
You are a free agent so you can do whatever you like. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' - or 'marriage ice breaker questionstoo early' about it. It's basically how YOU feel. However, having said that, I reckon personally that only being separated for 6 months hasn't really given you time to get yourself back on an even keel (the one you were on before you married Mr.Wrong). You need to give yourself time to regain your equilibrium and build up your own self respect and self confidence which has obviously taken a bit of a battering. That's why you are feeling and behaving like you are now. It's lack of confidence. This guy obviously likes you and he's let you know he's available but he's not pushing it too much. I don't see why you have to give him the whole ton of bricks about your failed relationship. I think I'd take it slowly. If the opportunity comes up again, just mention you are separated - nothing more. You've just come out of a long relationship. That lets him know you 'might' be available and then it's up to him. You are viewing this guy as a potential long-term partner and I don't think you should be doing that yet awhile until you have re-learned how to stand on your own two feet without a man as a prop. Good luck. I think what you are going through and feeling is perfectly normal. If this chap is a nice person, once he knows the bare bones of your situation and realises that you are probably a bit fragile at the moment, he'll be understanding and not try and make you run before you can walk.
I wouldn't recommend dating til you're divorced.
If you ahve filed, have at it but remember: married is married is married and most decent people won't date a person who isn't legally single or difvorced
Put all the past aside & express to him how you feel towards him 7 suggest you prepare a meal for him or could you both go out for a meal or coffee.
If things develop from there, then your well on your way to having a nice relationship! But if you let things stay the way they are now, you will get no-where! Open up your feelings towards him, co's it seems he's very interested in you otherwise he wouldn't shop at your store!
Sometimes women have to make the first move, co's some blokes are so shy!
Be a devil & make the first move, you can only get rejected!
Cheers!!
No comments:
Post a Comment