Just a little something I wrote in english one day for creative writing time. Tell me what you think...
AV儿劣Please rate /10AV儿劣
The sharply cut palm cards dug into the flesh of my hand as I gripped them tightly with one hand. I used the other to wipe beads of swear from my shiny forehead. There isn’t many things I hate in the world, but public speaking it just one of those putrid things.
My legs trembled violently; I was surprised they held my weight at all. I was going to have to pull out. My shaking limbs took a step. The teacher’s beady black eyes watched me like a hawk.
I took another step, my guilt stricken face rose to the back of the classroom, and there he was.
Celery eyes glinted from beneath a burnt sienna mop that fell across his soft face like a tumbling waterfall. My heart began to pound harder inside my chest, a precious jewel hidden from the rest of the world.
A wave of warmth and goose bumps flowed over me as the corners of his delicate lips turned into a smile. He had no clue what I felt for him.
I drew a breath from a flow of courage that he supplied me with. My eyes silently thanked him for it as I took back to centre stage.
“Love, what is it exactly?” I began slowly, the many pairs of eyes preyed upon me, though I saw only his encouraging ones.
“Is it singing in immaculate harmony with the blue bird as spring’s crisp morning breath whispers through your soft curls of honey, whilst all the cherry blossoms bloom around you in shades of strawberries and sunshine?”
A queer tingling sensation swept through my body as the schools dull greys and creams blurred and spun severely. The sweet smell of blossoms wafted to my smell and there I stood, in a luscious pink wonderland. No one else existed anymore. No one but him and I. He sat beneath a tree with a dreamy look upon his face. His gaze was fixated upon me until the sweet notes square dance palm springsfrom a bird of the softest blue drifted into our ears. We watched curiously as it sat perched upon a low branch just above his head. I strung together a few more, and it echoed them back to us. He rose to his feet and beamed like the sun. His square hand reached out for my curls of honey but they danced out of reach with the wind leading them. He attempted the gesture once more but we began to spin again. I looked down at the cards in my hand, and spoke again.
“Is it running breathlessly on the writhing wind, racing the mighty bald eagle across lush plains of sheer space and wonder until your earth-bound feet can carry your soaring frame no longer?”
We landed in the middle of splendid green plains that spread as far as the eye could see. The eagle glided above, sending challenging cries down to us below. I felt his warm hand enclose around mine and he tugged me slightly, picking up his pace. A jolt of electricity sparked through my body and I squealed with delight as I followed his lead. We ran, limbs flailing, voices screaming, heads thrown to the heavens, chasing our challenger. Soon we were going too fast for our feet and we clumsily tripped over our legs tumbling in a giggling heap across the plains.
“Is it stealing away through the nights uncertainties, beneath the peaceful blue moon as the distant wolf howls his lonely song that flows through the eerie stillness of the succulent foliage right into the beating of your very eardrum?”
The shades of emerald and sapphire transformed into the chilly glow of the moon in the dead of the night. He still had my hand in his tender grip and the butterflies in my stomach had erupted into violent frenzies. I had never felt like this before. Perhaps it was love?
He pulled me in close and I could smell his musty scent as I buried my face into his chest. His hand rested on my waist and I draped my arm around square dance palm springshis neck. His eyes sparkled and danced as they buried themselves beneath mine.
His honeycomb tones flowed over me as he finished my speech.
“Love is something. Love is anything. Love is whatever you wish it to be. Love is a choice.”
He brushed his lips against my ear as he whispered softly into it.
“And I choose you.”
He brought his face back so he could see me. A stray swirl of honey lingered on the side of my face, and as he cupped my face in his hands draped over his knuckles. Our faces move together and our lips connected as the wolf finished serenading the moon and the magical world we created twisted and changed. The glow of the moon became the light on the room’s ceiling. The stunning darkness faded into worn shades of grey.
He was no longer holding me close; he was sitting up the back again. My heart dropped and shattered into a million different pieces. A lone tear took a stroll down the side of my face, but I could swear I saw the moonlight dancing in his eyes. The audience erupted into a standing ovation. I watched his lips, the ones that had so tenderly kissed me, and mouthed to me were the words “I love you”.
10/10 - very very good.
Write some more!
wow, it's good!
you've got a good vocabulary!
Enough is enough,this is polls and surveys,so my answer is no.
7. i think you're trying too hard to use a lot of different words and metaphors on a subject matter that shouldn't be made too complicated. i won't tell you that the whole thing is entirely overdone and cliche, but there are many other creative topics you could write about that could use your talent a lot more than something little kids write about.
That really is awesome.
Very well done. Kudos!!
Oh my..
very good!
I love the
'Love is something.Love is anything.Love is whatever you wish it to be.Love is a choice...
And I choose you.'
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